Real confidence is like a superpower. We talk about it a lot, because well,  most of us want more of it. Four out of 5 women, in fact. 

Because if you're like me, sometimes the fear creeps in, grips you in its clutches, and rains on your parade. That crazy little horse can hold us back from doing all sorts of good things. 

Like speaking up, saying yes, and chasing the big goals that could change it all.

I think about how many years I've let fear hold me back.  From taking charge, asking for the pay rise, putting my hand up for the project, and backing myself when it really mattered.

And, here's the thing about telling yourself, “I’ll do it when I feel more ready." Spoiler: you probably won’t.

Here's what I've learned. Fear doesn't suddenly disappear. It doesn't jump up and leave just because you've decided it's time.

You’ve got to step up and look it in the eye, say 'kia ora', and then move forward anyway.

If you’ve been feeling stuck, hesitant, or caught in the “Who do I think I am?” spiral lately, you’re not alone. Millions of amazing women feel the same.
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​Here are five of the biggest fears that I've found keep us in the slow lane, and how to push them off into the bush.    

1️⃣ Impostor Syndrome
(aka: “Surely they’ll figure out I’m winging it.”)

Maybe you've sat in a room and thought, “I don’t belong here”.

Maybe it's happened more than once. Maybe it happened today.

It's the most disconcerting feeling. 
And it's not even true. 

Because, here’s what's actually true: you do belong. You do.  Whole-heartedly.
You earned your place at the table. With every late night, every 10pm arrival home, every brave decision, every hard-earned win.

Even if your brain tries to convince you it was all luck or timing or someone else’s mistake, it wasn’t. That voice is just fear in a clever disguise.

So instead of brushing off your accomplishments, try owning them.
Say to yourself:
“Kimberley, (but your name) you did that. I'm proud of you.”
Then go ahead and do it again. Stronger, this time.

That’s how you build self-trust, by recognising what’s real and what's good for you. And then doing that, rather than what the fear is saying.
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2️⃣Fear of Failure
(aka: the old fear of stumbling when you’re actually trying your best.)

Oof. This one’s a biggie. Nobody likes to fall flat. Especially when you’ve put your heart into it.
But you know, failure is not as bad as we might think. It's not the end, it's more like...a pause, an umm, a comma if you will. It can also be a turning point.

Even if you’ve failed before and it hurt like anything, it didn’t end you.
Even if people saw it, judged it, or laughed about it for 6 months, who cares? They’re not the ones building your future.
Even if they talked about it behind your back. Don't worry. They're behind you for a reason. 

Sometimes you’ve just got to put on your big-girl boots, wipe off the mud, clench your jaw, and keep going.

What’s the worst that could happen? A learning experience? A mild 'crash-and-burn'? I’ll take it. It’s better than having the regret of never having tried!

In fact, I'd rather make the biggest, irretractable mistake, than have been too scared to give it a go. 

And, as the experts say, that’s how progress happens, not without bumps, but because of them. Not without falling, but by getting up again. And again. 


3️⃣Perfectionism (it's exhausting):
(aka: the silent productivity killer.)

Have you ever rewritten the same email five times. And re-read it once it's sent, so that you could 'see it from their perspective'?

Yep, I've also wasted countless hours sitting back and admiring the structure, and careful use of fonts.

And here’s what I’ve learned, the hard way: perfection is a trap.
It convinces you that you need to get it just right before you hit send, speak up, or show up. And it'll keep you tweaking forever while someone else launches and learns.

Don't get left behind. Progress beats perfection every time.

Even if you think, “But I want to do it properly,” remember, properly doesn’t mean perfectly (unless conducting surgery).
Even if you’re scared someone will see a flaw, guess what? They probably won’t, and if they do, they’ll relate. People appreciate genuine vulnerability. 

So give yourself permission to show up messy, human, and real.  It’s how the good stuff actually happens.

And if it's not quite right, that's ok. Shrug it off, enjoy some lemon bars, and pat yourself on the back for doing your best.

Because, as the wise say, that’s how you build momentum, by letting your good enough be good enough.

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4️⃣Comparison Trap
(aka: the scroll-and-sink spiral.)

You’re in your trackies, eating toast for dinner, and suddenly you’re knee-deep in someone else’s curated life online.

We’ve all been there. A few times. They got promoted, again? They made Director in 6 months? They celebrated in Hawaii? Cue sadface.

But here’s what I know: social media is more or less a highlight reel. It’s not always real life.

Even if it feels like everyone else is ahead, they’re not. They’re just posting the polished version.
Even if you think, “She’s so much more confident or successful or polished than me,” remember: you don’t know the whole story.

Your lane is yours. Your journey is yours. Stay in it. Own it. There’s no competition when you’re running your own race. And if there is competition, that's a good thing. It means you're improving on where you were yesterday. 

That’s how you keep your power,  by focusing on your growth, not someone else’s timeline.


5️⃣Fear of Speaking Up:
(aka: the urge to hideaway when you should stand tall.)

It’s tempting to stay quiet. To wait until you feel “ready.” To wait till it feels “safe” to say something. Especially in big meetings with big people.

But here’s what I've learned: that moment rarely comes. So when it does, use it. 

Even if your voice shakes. Even if you mess up. Even if someone doesn’t like what you have to say, say it anyway.
Because your voice matters. Your story matters. You know things. Things that should be shared. 

Every time you speak up, even when you’re nervous, especially when you're nervous, you prove to yourself that you belong. You build confidence, and show the world (and yourself) that your thoughts, opinions, and experiences have value. They matter.

So next time you feel that pull to stay silent, try this instead:
“You’ve got this, Kim (but your name). Speak up.” 

That's how confidence is built, not in silence, but in the brave act of being heard.

Real-Life Rockstar: Marie

Before joining the Brilliant Women Leaders programme, Marie felt stuck. Burned out. Doubting herself.

But after just one session, she had a lightbulb moment:
“Wait on, I actually can do this.”

Even though she’d been second-guessing her value for years.
Even though she felt invisible in rooms where she wanted to speak.

With the right tools and support, Marie stepped into her power, especially as a speaker.

Now she’s telling her story confidently, getting invited to speak across Melbourne, and walking into rooms with her head held high.

“I feel liberated,” she said. “I’m excited. And I’m finally pursuing the opportunities I once thought were out of reach.”

Honestly? She’s a total legend.
And living proof that fear doesn’t get to rule the roost, unless you let it.

So, What About You?

Well, you don’t have to wait until you feel “ready.”
You just have to begin.

Even if you’re nervous.
Even if it’s not perfect.
Even if the voice in your head says, “Not yet.”

✨ You can lose that fear.
✨ Say no to perfectionism.
✨ Own your voice.
✨ Walk into your next chapter, head held high. 

And hey, remember, you're not alone. I'll be sharing more tools, tips, and real-life stories to help you along the way, one practical step at a time.

👉 If you’d like more of these tips, head to my profile, and click the 'Visit Website' button on my profile.

The only thing you’ve got to lose? That fear you’ve been dragging around for way too long.

Throw it into the bush. Give yourself permission to move on. 

It's how you'll reclaim your confidence, for good.
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